Twenty-Nine & Feelin' Fine(ish)

I turn 29 on Sunday! It’s hard to believe that I’ll be entering the last year of my twenties. It sounds so cliché, but I really do feel like I just turned 21 yesterday! I imagined that my birthday this year would be a lot different than how it’s turning out to be. Earlier in the year when my friends were celebrating socially-distanced, “covid birthdays” I had naively hoped that by September I wouldn’t be in the same boat as them. Freddy and I were also planning to move into a new apartment over the summer which ended up not working out, so I had hoped we would be living somewhere else by now. We packed up a good portion of our things and we’re still living amongst cardboard boxes which hasn’t been particularly ideal. And of course, I had truly hoped that my Dad would be here to celebrate another birthday with me. Life doesn’t always turn out the way we hope or plan, and I’m learning to be okay with that. Sometimes God answers our prayers in different ways than we want Him to.

By having a socially-distanced birthday, I’m able to spend quality time with Freddy and my mom, which is honestly the best gift I could ask for! Even though we didn’t get to move into a new apartment this summer, maybe there’s something even better that God has in store that we just don’t know about yet! And despite my countless prayers asking God to heal my Dad, He still did answer that prayer, just in a different way than I was hoping for. Knowing that my Dad is fully healed in Heaven brings me such great joy amidst the deep sadness I feel, because I miss him so much. I’m thankful that he shows up in my dreams from time to time; it’s like a little reminder that he’s not far away and that I’ll be reunited with him again someday.

I’m a dreamer and planner at heart, and I’m always thinking ahead about future plans and I love dreaming up all the adventures Freddy and I will go on. I think it’s so easy for me to focus so much on the future that I find myself forgetting to live in the present. I’ll think to myself, “When we live in a new apartment that has a better floor plan/more space, I’ll be happier” or “When we can afford to travel more regularly (post-covid) and we can finally go on these adventures we’ve been dreaming of, I’ll be happier.” As much as I like to plan and dream of the future, that isn’t my life. My life is happening now, in this present moment, and that’s where I want all my attention to be. Sure, having a better apartment or checking off our travel bucket list would be nice, but it’s the daily moments of spending time with Freddy cooking in the kitchen, snuggling on the couch, and reading books together that fill my heart with the most joy!

I often refer back to a quote by Oprah that resonates with me so deeply: “Be thankful for what you have; you’ll end up having more. if you concentrate on what you don’t have, you will never, ever have enough.” It’s so simple and yet so profound. I’m really trying to practice this every day, because I honestly have so much to be thankful for! I don’t want to focus on the things I don’t have, because the things that I do have matter way more than anything else ever could. By focusing on what I’m grateful for, like my health, my family, an apartment that has plenty of space for us, and a job that I can do remotely, really grounds me in the present moment.

Rather than going into my birthday weekend wishing that things were different, I’m going to be so incredibly thankful for all that I have and for another year to live life to the fullest! I’m grateful for all of you and for your continued support! I feel so blessed to be able to do what I love and share my life with you! xoxo